


The Sacrifices We Made

by Alice_h



Series: A Place of Our Own [18]
Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, New Baby, Parenthood, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Reconciliation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-16
Updated: 2020-03-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:35:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23176315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alice_h/pseuds/Alice_h
Summary: While Glimmer struggles to look after her baby without her friends, Catra receives a visitor who gives her some shocking news
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Bow/Glimmer (She-Ra)
Series: A Place of Our Own [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1511849
Comments: 197
Kudos: 80





	1. The Feelings I Gave Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end is near... but don't worry, we've still got plenty of drama to come!

“Waaaaah,” Micah’s wail woke Glimmer from sleep yet again. She’d managed about 45 minutes this time, which was one of the longest naps she had been able to take in the month since his birth. She couldn’t figure out how one baby could go with so little sleep – the day when he finally slept through the night would probably be cause for a bigger celebration than his birth. The sooner it came, the better.

“I’m coming, Micah,” she said wearily, rolling off the bed and traversing the short distance to his crib, where he was rapidly turning a deep shade of purple from screaming so much, “Mummy’s here.”

Picking up the baby did little to stop the noise, and it told her there was no chance of getting him quickly back to sleep so that she could do the same. Resigned to having no further rest, Glimmer returned to the bed with him and perched on the edge, cradling the child with one arm whilst pulling her top down with the other.

“Are you hungry? Will some food make you feel better?” she raised Micah up to her breast, but he paid no attention to it, seeming only to cry more, “Not hungry. Right.”

Glimmer went through the next item on the checklist in her mind and laid the baby on her bed, undoing the poppers of his blue bodysuit, “Is it your butt? Did you poop?”

She pulled the diaper away from his body and peered in but found nothing to warrant changing it. Sighing at the prospect of having to spend another day alone with a baby crying constantly, Glimmer flopped forward on the bed next to the child and used the blanket to muffle her frustrated screams. It had been like this for weeks – constant screaming and crying; she knew looking after a baby would be difficult, but this was beyond stressful and she had no idea how other people could cope with it. She’d averaged about 3 hours’ sleep each day in the last week and she knew that she looked like death because of it. Bow had helped out where he could, staying up late so that Glimmer could take a nap on several occasions, but he still had to go to work, and that meant she was on her own for the next six or seven hours. Even the housekeeper was on her day off, so there wasn’t anyone else in the entire building.

If Catra or Adora were around, they’d be able to help but she hadn’t seen either of them since Micah was born. Bow steadfastly refused to have anything more to do with them, and she could hardly blame him – he was probably right that they had only caused her more difficulty. In any case, Adora hated her now and Catra probably had little desire to see her given that it was her who had caused everything to blow up in the first place. Glimmer knew it was for the best, but that didn’t stop it from hurting, especially not now she needed the help from her friends.

“What is it?” she was almost crying herself when she sat back upright, “What is _wrong,_ Micah?”

Unsurprisingly, she got no answer beyond more screaming from the baby, and her sleep-deprived brain started to panic, turning to the worst-case scenarios. What if he was seriously ill? What if he died and it was her fault? Her anxiety rising, she decided to get Bow’s advice, and pulled her phone out to call him.

It rang a couple of times, _“Hello, Glim?”_

“Bow, he won’t stop crying. Something’s wrong, I know something’s wrong. Help me Bow!”

 _“Whoa, Glimmer, slow down,”_ his girlfriend’s clear panic and their son’s screeching in the background gave him a good idea of what was happening. Though he couldn’t help out much from where he was, he could at least try to calm her down, _“I’m sure nothing is wrong. Have you fed him?”_

“He won’t take anything! What’s wrong with him, Bow? Should I call an ambulance?”

_“Glimmer, you’re panicking, he’s fine. You fed him at about 5 this morning, so he’s probably not hungry. Why don’t you take him outside or something? Maybe going out will do him good.”_

Her anxiety began to subside from her boyfriend’s calming words, “You think? He’ll stop crying if I take him outside?”

 _“I don’t know for sure, but… hey, why don’t you walk down to the shop and get something special for dinner? I’ll cook it,”_ Bow hoped that giving her a bit of purpose might pull her out of the nosedive that she’d fallen into. It didn’t surprise him – she’d barely slept for the last few weeks, and everything always seemed to be ten times as bad, ten times as intense, when she was worn out like that. He was feeling it too, but Glimmer had been hit harder with the exhaustion.

“O-okay,”

_“It’ll be fine, Glimmer. I’ll be home before you know it, and I’ll take care of him so you can have some time to yourself. I have to get back to work now, but I love you.”_

“I love you too,” she let her phone fall gently on the bed after ending the call. Maybe Bow was right – some fresh air would do them both good. She hadn’t really been out for a couple of weeks, and being cooped up at home was really starting to get to her. Temporarily placing the baby back in his crib, something he was not at all happy about, Glimmer got herself dressed and put on a little make-up. Her outfit consisted of some tracksuit bottoms and one of Bow’s baggy hoodies, but it was better than nothing. She still looked awful, but at least she was now on the presentable end of awful.

After battling a still-protesting Micah into his pram, Glimmer headed out into the cool October air. The ‘shop’ Bow had mentioned was actually a small convenience store attached to a gas station, but it was the only thing they could easily walk to from the rural location of Bright Moon Manor, being about 10 minutes away via a gravel path by the road. Though the child made a lot of noise as his mother pushed him down the driveway, by the time they had reached the main road, it appeared as though Bow was correct. Whether it was the effect of fresh air or the gentle vibration of pram wheels across uneven ground that did it, Micah was now a lot calmer, staring up at his mother with a look of wide-eyed wonder.

“Did you just want to come outside? Was that it?” Glimmer smiled at her son. She had to admit that it had done her some good as well; despite the chill, it was a clear, sunny day and the rural landscape was rich with the colours of autumn. Even the road was quiet, allowing her to take in the peace that surrounded them both, and it helped calm her as well.

The respite was pleasant; however, it was also fairly short. As the small building housing the shop came into view, Micah’s screeching began again, his mother letting out a long groan of irritation. She had hoped that the peace would have at least lasted until she’d been able to do the shopping, but it was not to be. Now she’d have to go in there with everyone looking at her, judging her as an awful mother who couldn’t look after her child. It was largely this that had kept her at home for weeks – she hated the idea of being _that_ person, the one who brings a screaming kid into a shop and does nothing to quieten them down. But what could she do? Nothing ever seemed to help.

Entering the shop, embarrassed and apologising to the staff member at the till, Glimmer hurried herself along and grabbed a couple of things from the shelf. She tried to keep a cheerful attitude towards her son with other people around, despite secretly wanting to shout louder and longer for him to be quieter. But that would make her look even worse – it’d probably result in someone calling social services and having him taken away from her – so the forced smile and affected baby talk it was. She picked up a couple of tubs of fresh pasta sauce and waved them in front of his face, “Which one do you think, Micah? This one? Or this one? Do you want to pick?”

Micah’s arm flailed closer towards one, and that was what she went with. Now she had sorted dinner for herself and Bow, Glimmer aimed for the cash desk to pay. She wasn’t entirely sure whether it was out of coincidence or through subconscious desire, but her route took her through the corner of the shop with shelves full of alcohol. Though she told herself she shouldn’t, Glimmer found herself stopping and her eyes scanning the dozens of bottles that seemed to take up her entire field of vision. Red wine, so smooth and elegant. Gin, all fragrant and subtle. Whiskey, with its deep warming earthiness. But the taste was never the number one priority for her, it was all about the escape.

Her mind wandered back to the days when she started drinking. This was before she had a problem; when she was in control of herself. The stresses of her failure at university would melt away, replaced by that feeling of freedom that came from a lighter head. Those were the days when alcohol did what it was supposed to for her – it took away all the things that got her down. Back then, she could get a little drunk because she _wanted_ to, not because she needed to. Of course, it ended up becoming too much for her, that was why she had been sober for 8 years. But maybe now, with Micah’s constant screaming stopping her from having any time to herself… maybe now, with her best friends removed from her life… maybe now, with the immense guilt of her affair. Maybe now she could trust herself again to keep control over it. Glimmer reassured herself that she had changed so much since those days, that she knew how to handle herself and when to stop, and her hand wrapped around the neck of a bottle of whiskey, which she placed in her basket.

“Don’t tell your daddy,” she whispered to her son, “He wouldn’t understand this, and you know how he worries. It’ll be our little secret.”

* * *

Catra was taking advantage of the peace at home to sit in silence and read. Amber was out at school and Adora was at her solo therapy session, so she had the place to herself. Since the ‘not-wedding’, the couple had started seeing a relationship counsellor and it had been incredibly helpful to both of them. They had both been able to set out their feelings in a more structured way that helped the other listen properly to what each of them wanted to say. In one particularly difficult session, the counsellor had dived deep into the reasons why Catra had slept with Glimmer and it had revealed that the two of them had almost kissed years before – something Catra had almost entirely forgotten about. That had strained the relationship even more for a few days, but Adora was now starting to work on forgiving her and making good progress towards doing so. If nothing else, going to counselling had meant they were communicating more clearly and accurately than ever before, and both women were feeling the benefit.

The days following the reveal had been hard on them both. Catra had been required to sleep downstairs on the sofa, something that had required a fair amount of logistical effort to happen without alerting Amber. The couple had agreed that they were going to shield their daughter from as much of what was going on as possible, and for Catra, this meant waking up at 6am sharp every day to return the bedclothes upstairs. The early mornings were tricky, but it also gave her the opportunity to make breakfast for Adora – a paltry peace offering in the grand scheme of things, but it was still a small gesture of commitment that her girlfriend appreciated. She was trying to do more little things such as that to affirm her devotion to Adora – tiny tokens of love that she hoped would show her dedication.

It had been difficult protecting Amber from the fallout of everything that had happened. She had been full of questions after their wedding didn’t happen, something which they’d told her was down to Glimmer’s baby arriving. The constant questions about when she’d be able to meet the baby were harder to deflect, and she was slightly ashamed to say that they’d had to resort to the “because I said so” excuse as to why they weren’t going. Catra knew that Amber was a bright kid, and had probably caught on to more of the problems between them than they’d given her credit for, but for now she and Adora were putting on a united front in front of their daughter.

Away from Amber, however, it was a different story. Though they were trying to put their counselling advice into practice, life at home was fraught with tense silences and occasional vicious remarks. Adora had shown herself to have a venomous tongue at times, and they had almost descended into several blazing rows after she’d made a comment that Catra had taken to heart. But these were rare, and things were generally looking up between them. Their relationship was far from saved, but it wasn’t at rock bottom, and they were both trying their hardest to save it. They meant everything to each other, and it was hard for Adora particularly to reconcile that with the hurt and betrayal she also felt.

But it wasn’t just Adora who needed to work on forgiveness. The therapist had told Catra that she had to forgive herself as well, that if she held onto her guilt the couple could never truly fix the problems. That was something she thought was almost impossible; not just because she regretted the affair so deeply, but because Catra saw being nice to herself as a negative thing. It was hardly surprising – her entire childhood was marred by people who were never nice to her, and it gave her the impression that she didn’t deserve it, that it was for people who mattered. Of course, being with someone who loved and supported her had helped Catra to try and break through this mindset and improve her self-esteem, but how could she still expect that support from someone she had wronged so badly?

It was during this spiral of thought that the ring of the doorbell made her jump. Catra wasn’t expecting any visitors, and they didn’t exactly live in the busiest of places, so this was decidedly unusual. She briefly flirted with the idea of pretending not to be in, but it was always possible that this might be something important. Placing her book down on the seat of the chair, she hurried to the door and opened it. The dark-haired woman stood outside was vaguely familiar to her, but she couldn’t quite place the face, “Hello?”

“Catra, it’s you!”

“Uh... yeah, who are you?”

“It’s me! You know, Lauren, I go to therapy with Adora. She’s great, isn’t she?”

That was where she knew her visitor from. She’d seen her a couple of times when she’d been to pick Adora up, but that didn’t explain how or why she was now standing outside their house, “What are you doing here? Adora’s out.”

“I know,” she smiled, “I came to see you, Catra. You!”

“Wh-what? Why?”

“Well, Catra. There’s a good reason, Catra,” she began to stumble over her words, “I… well, okay, I… I have a thing to say. To you. I… I’m your mother.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GLIMMER NO
> 
> Next time: We can hear the horrifying story surrounding Catra's birth... hurray!


	2. The Child I Gave Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra's visitor arrives with a bold claim - is it really true?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I hope you are ready to have emotions! Both these women have been through Some Shit.
> 
> And just to warn you, there's non-graphic references to domestic violence, underage sex and a slightly more horrible description of child abuse. Yeah, it's like that.

“Look, I don’t know what’s wrong with you but...no. You, you can’t be. You’re having some kind of delusion, and you shouldn’t be here. I’m going to call the psych unit, OK,” Catra grabbed her phone and was about to search for the number when the other woman stopped her.

“Please, Catra, no! This isn’t a delusion, I can prove it,” Lauren reached into the pocket of her coat. Catra flinched, momentarily fearing she might be about to get stabbed, but relaxed when the woman merely pulled out a small, tattered piece of card and a folded piece of paper, “I can... I’ve kept this for almost thirty years.”

Catra bent forward to see what she was holding. A small picture of a baby was on the card and she couldn’t deny that it bore a resemblance to herself, though she didn’t have many pictures of herself as a child to compare. Not surprisingly for someone who had grown up in an abusive foster home, happy family photos weren’t exactly a common occurrence.

“That could be anyone.”

“Then this – this other thing I have for you, it will prove it,” she unfolded the paper, “This is your birth certificate, Catra.”

The brunette studied it closely. The date was correct, and that was definitely her own name and Lauren listed at the mother. She stood, open-mouthed as she began to realise that there may have been some truth in the claim, “I, uh, I think you should come inside.”

She stood aside to let the woman enter, then showed her into the living room. Normally when having guests, Catra would play the genial host, making hot drinks, showing visitors the highlights of the house and preparing a few snacks to nibble on. This, however, was different. While much of her still didn’t believe what she was being told, there had always been this void inside that begged to know where she came from; who her parents were; _why they put her through hell._ If this woman held the answer to that, then she needed to hear it. The two of them sat facing each other, silently, with Catra waiting to hear what she had to say.

“I’m sorry I turned up like this, I’m sorry,” Lauren began, almost stumbling over her words as they came out quicly, “When I heard Adora say your name, it set something off in my brain and I just had to keep asking her about you until I was sure it was you. Then I sneaked a look at your address on a letter she had and... I’m sorry, Catra.”

“You’re here now. But you’d better have a damn good explanation for what you did.”

“I don’t know what they told you about me...”

Catra gave a slight shrug, “Not much. Just that you didn’t want me.”

“Catra, I’m sorry, Catra,” Lauren appeared to be growing more agitated. She hated the feeling of knowing that people had been lying to her daughter, “That wasn’t true, I _did_ want you. I did, I did.”

“Then why? What did I do so wrong that made you abandon me?”

The older woman sighed, “It wasn’t my choice. Look, I fell pregnant with you when I was 15. There was this guy who lived on my estate, I was obsessed with him – stupid teenage girl stuff, you know? I was a stupid teenage girl, Catra. Stupid. Thinking that he was the love of my life; that we’d grow old and have a family together, marriage, kids, the lot. I was so naïve. But he was older, I think about 23 at the time, so I lied. Told him I was 21. I don’t know whether he believed me, or he just didn’t care, but it didn’t stop him.

“We slept together a few times; it made me feel like I was special, someone he actually cared about. In my head, it was this romantic novel – two star-crossed lovers who had to hide their relationship from the world who wouldn’t understand. I had this… this notebook which I kept under my bed and I planned out our entire lives together; how much money I would need to save up so we could leave the estate, the exact house we would live in, what ages we’d be when we got married and had children. Everything about our life – _everything –_ was in this notebook.

“The reality was different, Catra. I was just another notch on his bedpost, something to joke about with his friends. But I believed otherwise, I had his voice in my head telling me he loved me so it didn’t matter that he ignored me or laughed at me when I saw him in the street – that was one of those little games that we played because we were in love. He would tell me that when I lay alone at night, I’d hear his voice coming through the psychic link I believed we had. Obviously now I realise that was just mental illness, but I didn’t know I had it back then.”

Lauren’s leg began shaking. It was clear to Catra that telling this story was difficult for her, but it was something she needed to hear, “I didn’t know i was pregnant, not for a long time. I kept feeling sick and tired; at first I thought I just had a bug, but it hadn’t eased up after a month, so I went to see the doctor. He sent me off for some tests and they told me I was five months pregnant. My mum and my stepdad were furious when they found out. Mostly my stepdad though, I got it all from him – ‘who did this?’, ‘how dare you?’. I could stand the shouting, but he was a violent man, Catra, and I lived in constant terror that he would hurt you. I used to stay in my room for days on end, with just the voice of the man who fathered you for company. It really wasn’t the sort of environment to raise a child in, but I was too far along to do much about it.”

“If you’d known before, would you have... would you have kept me?”

Lauren stared her in the eye, “I’m going to be honest with you Catra. I wouldn’t have.”

“Oh,” she had assumed that would be the answer, but it hurt to hear. A part of her had hoped beyond hope that she had been wanted, not just an accident – _a mistake that couldn’t be fixed._ And though she knew it unlikely, she wanted it to be true more than anything.

“But looking at you now, if I had… I would have made the wrong decision.”

Catra choked back a tear, “So why… why did you give me up? Couldn’t you have kept me, taken me away from all of that?”

“My stepdad told me I had to. Well, my mother actually told me, but I knew she was only doing it because he forced her to. If he hadn’t been around, things would have been so different. We'd have been a proper family, but she was scared of him – we both were. He always got his way; if he didn’t, if either of us even dared to question him, that’s when he got nasty and lashed out at us. He decided that this baby was never going to enter his home, and we just had to go along with it if we wanted to stay safe.

“Anyway, a few months later you came out. The first time I held you it was magical, like you’d created this bubble of happiness around me where nothing could hurt me. But I knew people wanted to, they wanted to hurt _you_. I wouldn’t even let the doctors look at you, because I was terrified they’d take you away; I think they had to sedate me just to calm me down enough to weigh you. And then I’ve got this vivid memory of being in the hospital, I’d woken up one night – it was dark outside, and you were there in a crib beside me, probably two days old. I had this radio next to my bed, it was my only real source of entertainment – no internet in those days – and I heard some static coming from it, which I thought was odd because it was turned off. So I picked it up and I heard this message clear as day, saying ‘ _they’re coming to take her’_.

“I panicked, Catra. I believed they… I don’t even know who ‘they’ were, but I was convinced I was about to lose you. So I picked you up and I walked as calmly as I could out of the hospital. I had nowhere to go, no-one to stay with, I just knew that I needed to stop them from taking you. I was terrified… my mental health was shot to pieces and I was being tormented by these voices that told me I wasn’t safe – that _you_ weren’t safe, so I kept moving from place to place. I slept in alleyways, I rifled through bins for what little food I could get… I honestly don’t know how either of us survived. I suppose I was right in my own way, a teenager living on the streets with a new-born baby would attract attention, so hiding away from everyone else probably kept us together.”

“Holy fuck,” Catra was stunned. She had no idea that any of this had happened, and that her mother had gone to such extreme lengths to protect her – or at least her own misguided version of protection, “I guess they found you though?”

Lauren nodded, “I’d been on the streets with you for a week when they did. I’d barely eaten or had anything to drink for days and my body just gave up. Someone found me unconscious with you crying next to me, and they called an ambulance. I don’t really know what happened beyond that, other than I got taken to hospital and you got taken away by social services. That was the last time I ever got to be with you. Once I’d recovered physically, I was taken to a psychiatric hospital and I spent six months there. It was hard, Catra, it was so hard at first knowing that you were out there and that I’d never see you again. I hated every single moment without you. But while I was there, they got me the help I needed, and I started to learn that it was best that you weren’t with me. God, Catra, I wish I could have been the mother you deserved but I just couldn’t. You were better off away from me.”

With tears welling up in her eyes, Catra could do little but shake her head. It didn’t feel like her childhood was her being ‘better off’ – it was complete hell. The failures of the woman sat in front of her ended up inflicting horrible things on Catra; things that almost ruined her life. Was that ‘better off’?

“I never went back home,” Lauren continued, “When I was well enough to leave the hospital, I went straight to a refuge. Lied to them about my age, too, just so I could get in. But the people I met there, Catra, they changed my life – they are still my best friends to this day, and they helped me to get back on track. A proper job, somewhere permanent to live… all of that stuff they assisted with, and more than that, they helped me to find out where you were.”

“Then why didn’t you get me back?!” Catra squeezed her fist, angry that her so-called mother knew where to find her and still left her to her foster mother, “Why didn’t you visit? Why didn’t you want me, even then?”

The older woman rubbed her now-crying eyes, “I _did_ visit you, Catra, I swear. But your foster mother, she wouldn’t let me near you. When you were young, I came there nearly every week in the hope that I would get to spend time with you – and sometimes, in the beginning, I did. As you grew up, though, she came up with excuses not to let me in and after a while it was just a flat refusal. Eventually I stopped coming, because every time I did, I’d end up arguing with her. She called the police on me several times, and it just wasn’t…”

“It wasn’t worth the hassle, was it? _I_ wasn’t worth the hassle. You stopped fighting for me because it was easier for YOU.”

“I swear, Catra, it wasn’t like that.”

“Of course it was!” she yelled, the painful memories of her childhood resurfacing, “You gave up on me. You left me at the mercy of that horrible woman because it was easier to just let your kid get beaten than to fight for her.”

“She… she hurt you?” Lauren’s mouth gaped, the emotion giving way to shock as she took in what Catra had said. She had known from the many shouting matches that her foster mother was quite vindictive, but the knowledge that she had laid a finger on her little girl put her in a horrific new light.

Her daughter let out an uncontrollable laugh of deep irony, “Hurt me? _Hurt_ me?! I’m surprised she didn’t fucking kill me. All I had to do was exist near her and that was enough to make her angry.”

“I’m… I’m sorry, I had no idea…”

“My thirteenth birthday was the worst time, she…” Catra’s voice wobbled, “The foster home never did birthdays, no gift, no party, not even a ‘happy birthday’. But at school, they knew this, so they liked to do something nice for me, and this time the other students pooled their money and got me this little jewellery box. I thought it was weird at first, cause I didn’t really wear jewellery, but when I opened it up, each one of them had written something they liked about me on a piece of paper and put it in. It was the nicest thing I’d ever received, and for a kid like me with fuck all self-esteem, it gave me hope, you know?

“I put it on top of my dressing table when I got home, but Mrs Weaver saw it and she went fucking nuts. How dare I have things in my room that she hadn’t approved; did I know I was a waste of space… all that crap. She picked the jewellery box up and threw it against the wall; it broke into several pieces. I watched all the little bits of paper flutter to the floor in a dead silence, then I made the mistake of looking at her. She… fuck… she grabbed me by the throat and threw me against the wall, screaming in my face about the ‘look’ I’d given her. I tried to tell her I didn’t mean it, that I was sorry, but her hand was around my neck and I couldn’t speak. Everything went blurry and I don’t remember much else, I just woke up on my bed with her finger marks around my throat and fragments of my birthday present on the floor next to me. So yeah, it wasn’t the greatest childhood you left me to.”

The two women sat in an uncomfortable silence for some time, Catra having said her piece and Lauren not knowing how to react. She was overrun with guilt that her own daughter had been subjected to such awful abuse – mothers were supposed to protect their children and she had failed hers. More than anything, though, she wanted to make it right.

“I promise I’ll never leave you again.”

Catra propped her forehead up with her hand, letting out a breathy chuckle, “What makes you even think you can just come back into my life like this?”

“I just want to make up for not being there for you,” she leaned forward, placing a hand on Catra’s knee, “Whatever you need, I’ll do my best to make it happen. What do you want more than anything in the world?”

Her daughter thought for a few moments, then spoke quietly, “I want my friends back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gonna give Catra a hug right away!
> 
> In the next chapter: Glimmer goes to sleep (at last!)


	3. The Hard Work I Gave Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bow finds out just how much Glimmer has been struggling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Taking advantage of having the weekend off work to get some writing done!

Bow could hear Micah screaming from the moment he stepped out of the car. He’d hoped that their son would have calmed down and been able to give Glimmer a break, however judging by the noise, it seemed that was not to be. There was a lot of guilt in him at having left his girlfriend to deal with the baby alone for much of the past month, but he wasn’t easily able to get time off from work, so all he could do was help out as much as possible when he was home. Glimmer was really struggling, he knew this, and he wished he could do more to make it easier on her.

As he entered the building, he followed the sound of the baby upstairs to their bedroom. Micah’s cries were loud and desperate, and Bow imagined that Glimmer must be similarly at the end of her tether, unable to pacify him. At least he’d be able to take a little pressure off her now, even if it allowed her just an hour or two for herself.

“It’s okay, Glim, I’m…” his ‘knight in shining armour’ moment was cut short when he entered the room and found no-one there bar the baby. An initial flash of worry was suppressed with the reasoning that maybe Glimmer had gone to the toilet for a moment or stepped out for some air. He lifted Micah from his crib to comfort him, his son beginning to calm a little at the touch, “Now where did Mummy go?”

Bouncing the baby in his arms to further relax him, Bow carried him out and along the hallway. He knocked on the bathroom door, “Glim? You in there?”

There was no response, and his concern for her began to grow. Taking Micah with him, he started searching the upper floor of the house, but still came up short. Horrible scenarios flashed through his brain – had she had an accident? Did someone kidnap her? – which he tried to quell, but the anxiety only grew with every empty room. With Glimmer definitely not upstairs, Bow headed down to search the lower floor, and finally spotted her in the living room, sprawled across the sofa fast asleep. He was torn – on one hand, he knew how much sleep she had gone without, and that this nap would be doing a lot of good for her. But conversely, she’d left their baby alone and potentially endangered, and he couldn’t let it slide. If anything had happened, she wouldn’t have heard him and Micah could have…

“Glimmer,” he said her name firmly, just slightly above a whisper to try and give her a gentle wake-up.

His girlfriend jolted to alertness, sitting upright with a startled look on her face, “Oh hey Bow. When did you get back?”

“Just now. Are you okay?”

“Never better!” she beamed a smile at him, “Good sleep did me the world of good.”

Bow sat himself and his son in one of the armchairs near the door. Whilst he was glad she felt better, he had to address what he arrived home to, “Glim, I came back, and Micah was upstairs on his own crying his eyes out. How long have you been asleep?”

“I dunno, dropped off about half past one, two? What time is it now?”

“It’s five-thirty,” he sighed loudly, shaking his head upon realising how long their son had been left unattended, “Is everything alright?”

“I’m fine, Bow!” she stood up and spun round on the spot dramatically, losing her balance and falling back onto the sofa, “Well, apart from that, ha. But every inch of me is fine.”

Her boyfriend was not convinced. Encouraging as it was that she appeared to be feeling better, the scale of the difference was concerning. Not five hours before she had called him in a state of panic, terrified that Micah was seriously ill, yet now she didn’t even seem to be worried about having left him alone. More worryingly, her uncaring attitude evoked memories of the darker times in her life, and he prayed this was not another one of them.

Strapping Micah into a small baby seat on the floor, he paced across the room towards his girlfriend, “Are you sure you’re okay, Glim?”

“One hundred percent! Maybe more, maybe a hundred and ten. Or a hundred and twenty. Or-”

“Okay stop,” he ordered. Bow’s proximity to her brought with it an odour that instantly worried him. Though he didn’t want to accuse her of anything, nor did he want to believe it, she smelled troublingly like alcohol and it would be remiss of him not to address it right away, “We need to talk. Outside. Now.”

He pulled Glimmer off the sofa, dragging her out of the room by her arm, and shut the door behind them. She stood in front of him grinning, which only served to irritate him.

“Oooh, Bow,” she giggled, “Time for some fun?”

The stern look on his face suggested otherwise to her, “Where did it come from?”

“Well you see, Bow…” she haphazardly pressed a finger to his chest. As she talked, Bow began to notice the odd slurred word, confirming his suspicions, “When a mummy and a daddy love each other very much-”

“I’m not in the mood for your games, Glimmer! You’ve been drinking, I can smell it on you.”

“Are you sh… sure it’s not the smell of pure lust?” she winked, pulling his head closer to her own, “You wanna get lucky?”

“Glim, no…” he wrenched her hand away from the back of his neck and held it at her side, “You stink of booze. Tell me you haven’t…”

“I haven’t,” the breezy way she spoke coupled with her being unable to look him in the eye as she said it did nothing to convince him, “You’re just paranoid! Maybe it’s _you_ who’s been drinking, did you ever think of that?”

“Glimmer! Look at me and say it. Swear. Swear on Micah’s life that you haven’t touched any alcohol.”

“Fine… So what if I have? You’re not my keeper!”

Bow closed his eyes. This was one of his worst fears now come to pass, “You have a month-old baby in there who needs you to be sober. _I_ need you to be sober, I can’t have you go through this again, not now.”

Glimmer’s laughter was startling, a loud noise so close to her boyfriend’s face, “Go through it again? Bow! Bow! Bowwwwwww… it’s just _one_ evening and _one_ bottle of whiskey, lighten up.”

“But it’s NOT one evening, is it? You are an addict, Glim, you can’t _do_ ‘just one evening’. It turns into two, then three, and then it’s the morning and the afternoon. And a whole bottle of whiskey is not a casual drink to unwind after an exhausting day. Look, I understand this is difficult, I really do. Having a new baby is a lot of work, and I’m sorry I can’t be here to help all the time, but this is not the answer.”

“Pfft,” she opened the door to the living room, “I’m fine! I can control it now, and I can look after my baby.”

“Control it? Is leaving Micah alone screaming for hours because you passed out drunk ‘controlling it’?” Bow quickly swung into the room, blocking the door frame with his body, “You are not going anywhere near our son in that state.”

“Our son? He’s not _our_ son, Bow, he’s _mine_. What exactly did you have to do with it, huh?” Glimmer’s vicious words took Bow back to the horrible days at the depths of her addiction when she would say the most hurtful things she could. He tried to let it slide, reasoning that she wasn’t fully in control, but it still served as an awful warning flag that she had slipped, “You can’t stop me from seeing him. I’ll cuddle him and then we might play together, and then I’ll feed him and then… But…oh, but first I’m gonna… I think I might…”

She fell to her knees and immediately began vomiting onto the carpet. It was a heart-breaking sight to see his girlfriend succumb to her addiction again, to be at the mercy of something she couldn’t control. He couldn’t help but recall the day of her mother’s funeral, when he’d left her alone and spurred her into the downward spiral that ended up with an overdose. He still felt guilty about it. When they had first got together, he had sworn that he would never leave her again, and she needed that now more than ever. Bow crouched behind her, gently stroking the girl’s back until she had finished, then bringing her close in a loving embrace, “It’s okay, Glim, it’s okay.”

“I’m sorry,” Glimmer met his eyes with her own tear-filled ones, “I’m so sorry Bow. Micah is too much for me to handle and I can’t do it. He just doesn’t give me a break, and I’ve tried my best, but I need help. And I miss Adora and Catra so much. I miss them, Bow…”

“I know you do. I do too, it’s just…” he wanted to remain steadfast to his decision but surveying the situation in front of him made him waver. He hadn’t realised quite how much she had been struggling with the baby, “You know with everything that happened that it’s for the best.”

“Best for _who_ , Bow? Because it’s not best for Micah and me, is it?”

Her words were like a lightning bolt. Despite her inebriated state, there was a surprising amount of truth to what she was saying. Bow began to realise that he’d been so single-minded in his decision to cut the other couple from their lives that he hadn’t thought about the effect it would have on those he loved most, “You’re… you’re right, Glimmer – I’ve been selfish. I was just so angry at you and Catra, and I should have dealt with that properly, not by making her go away. But you must have known this wasn’t the way to tell me?”

“I’m sorry, Bow,” she wept in his arms, “I didn’t know what else to do. You wouldn’t even talk about it.”

“Look, I’m sorry too. I… I’ll put this right, I’ll phone Adora and see if we can get anywhere.”

“You will?”

He nodded, “On one condition. You need to get help again. First thing in the morning, you need to make the call and get to the first meeting you can. Will you do that?”

“Yeah, promise. I don’t want to let you and Micah down again.”

“You haven’t,” he hugged her tighter, “It’s just a blip, I know you can put it right.”

* * *

“You can do this, Glim,” Bow gave her his sweetest, most genuine smile. They stood outside the door to a small community centre, a venue where Glimmer had attended many meetings in the past as she tried to deal with her addiction. He knew that coming back here meant admitting she had failed, and he couldn’t underestimate the amount of strength it took to do so, “And while you’re there, I’ll take Micah for a walk and give Adora a call.”

She gazed into his eyes, looking for a reassurance that she got immediately, “You promise?”

“Absolutely,” he brought her close for a short kiss, whispering words of encouragement to her, “You are strong; I love you.”

“I love you too, Bow.”

He watched her disappear through the door and down the corridor of the building. There was a small part of him that entertained the idea that she might try and trick him, not going to the meeting and hiding away until her returned, but he had to trust her. He had to trust that she would do what was right for herself and her baby.

“Just you and me now, Micah,” he leaned forward into the pram, pressing a finger to his son’s nose, “Shall we go for a walk? Yeah? Let’s go!”

Their stroll around the residential estate near the centre served more than one purpose; it wasn’t just to keep Micah quiet, but Bow also used the relative peacefulness of the environment to try and build his courage to make the call he needed to. He knew that while Adora had no real problem with him, any attempt to bring the two couples back together would be met with resistance. In some way, it felt as though he’d been stuck in the middle of Adora and Glimmer, and the only way he was able to handle that was to make sure they didn’t cross paths. But that had only made things worse for Glimmer, and it was the need to help her get back on track that gave him the final spark of confidence to dial Adora’s number.

_“Bow?”_

He could tell from the way she said his name that he was the last person she was expecting to call, “Hi Adora. Have you got five minutes to talk?”

_“Uhh, sure. What’s… what’s up?”_

“Look, I know we’ve both pretty much said ‘that’s it’ for the friendship, but it’s hurting Glimmer and I think we all need to at least talk.”

_“It’s hurting Glimmer? Good, it damn well should!”_

“No, no… not, not good,” Bow stammered over his words, “She drank last night and passed out leaving Micah on his own.”

Adora was silent for a few moments as she digested the news, _“Shit. I’m sorry Bow, but… why is that my fault?”_

“I’m not saying it’s your fault. I just wanted to help her, and I think if we all talked things over, it might do that. For me, if not for her?”

 _“That’s some impressive timing,”_ Adora laughed dryly, _“Catra’s mum spent half an hour last night trying to convince me I should do the same.”_

“I think she’s r- wait, Catra’s mum?”

 _“Long story. I guess…. Ugh, fine, we’ll talk. But I’m only doing this for_ you _, not for her.”_

Bow breathed an audible sigh of relief, “Thank you, Adora, thank you. I’ll text you and let you know when we’re free, but… just thank you. You won’t regret this.”

 _“I’d better not,”_ she scoffed, _“I’ll see you soon, I guess.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A spark of hope!
> 
> Next time: Adora and Glimmer come back together...with explosive results!
> 
> Also, as I've probably mentioned, I have another fic in production. Would people prefer me to wait until this is completely finished before starting to post it, or would you like something different to read as well? Bear in mind that a) It's a lot darker than this (we got murder, heavy angst, psychological manipulation and sex), and may not quite have the same audience and b) the chapters are longer, plus I'll still be focusing on this first, meaning there will be a longer gap between chapters. But I'd be interested to know what you all think.


	4. The Future I Would Give Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The two couples sit down to settle their differences, unaware that a disaster is imminent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ready? Let's do this thing!

Bow took a deep breath and grasped Glimmer’s hand, then knocked on the door to Catra and Adora’s house. He had spent the day worrying about how it would go, scared that rather than bring them together, it could end up deepening the rift and having an even worse effect on Glimmer. Since the night, two days before, when she had slipped back into her addiction, he had been keeping a very close eye on her, trying to stop anything negative from happening that could spark her urge to drink again. At home, that was all within his control and she had done exceptionally well not to give in again, but here with the other couple was a different matter – he couldn’t protect her from everything that they might have to say, and that was a terrifying prospect.

Catra answered a few moments later, solemnly welcoming them in, “Good to see you again, I guess. Also, Amber’s in bed so please be quiet out here.”

“Sure thing.”

“No Micah?”

“He’s with Casta tonight,” Bow explained, “Thought it’d be best not to have him interrupt us.”

They were shown into the living room, Catra shutting the door softly behind them. Adora stood up as they entered, “Hi Bow, nice to see _you_. Can I get either of you anything? Tea, coffee… an entire bottle of vodka, Glimmer?”

“Adora…” Catra pleaded. She was hoping that the evening would resolve things, but if her girlfriend was going to be sniping away the whole night, that would make it much more difficult, “Please can you be civil?”

“What? She’s got to deal with the guilt of trying to destroy our family somehow. I’d drink myself to oblivion too, if I were her.”

“Adora!”

The blonde didn’t let up. Weeks of unexpressed anger towards Glimmer had built inside her and she needed to get it out, “No, Catra. She knows what she did – she led you on, encouraged you to carry on after you kissed her. Yeah, that’s right, Glimmer, Catra told me _everything_.”

“That’s not true though,” Bow had been listening intently up until now, but felt the need to step in at her assertion, “Wasn't it Catra who caused all this?”

Adora stifled a laugh, “Is that… is that what she told you? God, you can’t stop with the lies, can you? What was it you said to Catra… ‘no-one will ever know’?”

All eyes in the room fell on Glimmer, and it only served to make her feel more guilty. She had told Bow a revised version of what happened to make herself seem blameless; a necessary evil to stop him from leaving her, she’d said to herself. In her mind, she had almost rewritten the memory to the point where she started to believe herself that it was all Catra’s fault. Being reminded of what the reality was came as a shock, and she trembled upon realising that she could once again face losing him over this.

“I’m… I’m sorry Bow,” she said quietly, sniffling back tears, “I was scared you would hate me if you knew.”

He brought her closer towards him, “It’s OK, I understand. I promise I won’t hate you, but it’s time to be honest with me, Glim.”

She nodded, her face screwing up in an unsuccessful attempt to stop herself crying, “Some of what I told you was true – Catra _did_ kiss me first. But then she stopped and I… I spurred her on to continue. I told her no-one would find out and then I started touching her and… well, you know what we did after that.”

“This is fucking brilliant,” Adora quipped upon seeing the look on Bow’s face. After finding out the extent of Glimmer’s role in the affair, she had taken much of the anger she had away from Catra and put it towards her former friend. As a result, there was a perverse pleasure in seeing Glimmer squirming and defenceless like this.

“I just wish you’d told me the truth earlier,” Bow looked deep into his girlfriend’s eyes. He inhaled deeply through his nose, preparing to talk about how he still forgave her, but a strong smell stopped him. He sniffed a couple more times, “Wait, is something burning?”

Catra rolled her eyes, “No, it’s the neighbours. They’ve got this garden waste incinerator thing and they are _always_ using it. Makes the house stink of smoke.”

“I might go tell them we’ve got some trash they can have,” Adora stared intently at Glimmer as she spoke, “Although actually, they probably shouldn’t burn it. It’s toxic.”

“Enough, Adora!” Catra had reached the end of her tether. She completely understood Adora’s dislike of the girl, but this meeting was to try and fix the fractures in their relationship, not to create more with vicious comments. To see the two of them like this hurt and it was deeply saddening how one night, one mistake, threatened to destroy over a decade of friendship – Catra truly believed that some things were worth fighting for, and this was one of them.

Adora looked at her girlfriend with a shocked expression, almost incredulous at the fact she had dared to stand against her, “What, you’re going to side with your mistress now?”

“This isn’t about taking sides. I hate seeing you say these horrible things to her – don’t you think your friendship is more valuable than letting it go down in flames like this?” she paused to look at both young women in turn, “Adora… Glimmer has been there for you through thick and thin. When you were recovering from your suicide attempt, she got through to you and helped you find and hold onto the tiniest scrap of hope at a time when even _I_ couldn’t. She was the one who helped you forgive me after you found out about Sammie and gave you advice on how to help me and bring us back together after… after Lonnie. She’s helped both of us get through so much.

“And Glimmer, Adora stood by you all through rehab, giving you the confidence to carry on and get through the hardest days of your life. She straight-up forgave you for the car crash without a moment’s hesitation, and who did you turn to for comfort when your first attempt to have a kid failed? Adora. Both of you are so, _so_ important to each other and it’s upsetting to see you like this. I know Glimmer and I have made a huge mistake, but please don’t throw away everything because of it. All I want is for Adora to be happy, and I don’t think she can truly be happy without her best friend, can you?”

Adora’s silence was born of shock. There was more than a grain of truth to her girlfriend’s impassioned plea; she and Glimmer had been friends for close to twelve years, having clicked from the moment they sat in their first university lecture together. Every high, every low, every bit of good news, every setback… Glimmer had been there by her side. They had the type of friendship others could only dream of – but that just made her betrayal worse, didn’t it?

“I’m still so very sorry, Adora,” Glimmer tried to surf the same wave of encouragement, “Whatever I need to do to make it up to you, I will. I swear, I… I’d die to save our friendship.”

“Please don’t,” the slightest softening of Adora’s stance brought a slight hope to the other three in the room. If nothing else, telling Glimmer she didn’t want her to die was an improvement upon some of the vitriolic things she had said over the past few weeks.

“I’ll try my best,” for the first time that evening, she gained the confidence to look directly at Adora, offering her an olive branch in the form of the tiniest smile, “Can we start again?”

There was still a heavy reluctance from her friend, “I don’t… I don’t know.”

“Please? I’ll do whatever it takes, I… I won’t even be in the same room as Catra if it’ll help. I’ll never see her again if you don’t-“ A shrill beeping brought their conversation to an abrupt end, all four of them taking a few seconds to try and figure out what was happening.

“Ugh, that’s the smoke alarm. Shit, it’s going to wake Amber up,” Catra rose and made for the door to go and silence it. This wouldn’t have been the first time that next door’s trash burning obsession had ended up setting it off. As she approached, however, a few wisps of smoke drafted through from underneath and into the room, “Oh fuck. Fuck!”

“What is it?” Adora leaned forward to get a better view of the doorway. Her girlfriend didn’t answer, instead choosing to open the door to show her. It had only moved a few inches from the door frame when a blast of heat and thick grey smoke invaded the room, “Oh shit… I’ll call the fire brigade. Where’s my… where’s my phone, Catra?!”

“Calm down, it’s right next to you,” she pointed it out for her girlfriend, who snatched it and made the call, almost shouting at the operator in her panic.

While she summoned the emergency services, Bow stood, pulling Glimmer up with him, “We all need to get out, now. Catra, can we get through to the front door?”

“It’s, uh…” panic caused her to stumble over her words, “Y-yeah, I think so. There’s a lot of smoke but…”

“Right,” he took on a more commanding tone, having charged himself with getting them all out safely, “When Catra opens the door, we all need to hold our breath and run to the front door, got it?”

The others nodded and Bow beckoned them all towards the door to the hallway. The room was already starting to become hazy with just the smoke filtering through the gaps in the frame, and there was little time remaining for them. They could feel the heat radiating through, and knew they had to leave now. Bow gave Catra a nod and she threw the door wide open. They were immediately enveloped in a ball of smoke that stung their eyes and made them cough, but they knew they had to press on. Pulling her top up and over her mouth as a rudimentary mask to help her breathe more easily, Catra reached the front entrance first, opening the door and running into the front garden. The cold air from outside rushed in, momentarily thinning the atmosphere and dissipating the smoke enough to be able to hear Amber screaming in terror from her bedroom.

“Amber!” a panicked Adora froze and started to make her way towards the staircase, but Bow pulled her back, “My baby’s up there! I have to go and get her!”

He held her shoulders to steady her, “It’s too dangerous, Adora! The firefighters will be here any moment, and they _will_ rescue her – you need to be alive for her when they do.”

“I can’t leave her, Bow…”

“Let the professionals do their job, you-”

“Adora, no,” Glimmer cut in and took hold of her hand, “Bow is right, you have to stay safe because Amber needs you. You’re an amazing mother, and she is so lucky to have you...not like Micah, I’m... Sorry, this is… ugh, God, this is the worst time for me to start rambling on - all of you need to get out of here. I’ll go and get Amber – I owe this to you.”

Her boyfriend protested. He couldn’t let her put herself in peril from some desperate attempt to win Adora’s favour, “Glim, you can’t. It’s far too dangerous.”

“I don’t care. I need to do this,” she swiftly pushed Bow and Adora outside, shutting and locking the door behind her. The blonde shouted and banged on the window, but her protests went unheeded as Glimmer disappeared into the fire. A horrible silence descended on them, broken only by the muffled sound of the smoke alarm and an eerie low rumbling as the flames began to consume the house. While the trio didn’t voice their thoughts lest it make them come true, the likelihood of that being the last time they would see Glimmer hung heavily over them. From their position at the far end of the front garden they could now see the extent of the blaze, which had taken hold of both floors, and the scale of it did nothing to abate their fears. The only small comfort was that the main heart of the fire appeared to be on the opposite side of the house to Amber’s room, giving them the tiniest hope that the girl would be unharmed.

With all three of them consumed by their worry, the sound of shattering glass made them jump, jolting them back from their thoughts. They followed the source of the sound upwards, staring with their mouths agape and trying to trace what had caused the noise.

“Adora! Bow!” a voice emanated from the top floor. Leaning out of Amber’s now-broken bedroom window was Glimmer, coughing heavily, “She’s terrified but she’s not hurt. I’m gonna lower her down; you need to catch her.”

They ran towards the house, Amber’s desperate shouts becoming more audible over the noise of the fire the closer they got. Glimmer pulled her sleeve over her hand and used it to clear more glass from the window frame so as to reduce the risk of either of them being cut, then began to lift the girl out, dangling her feet over the edge.

“No! I’m going to fall!” Amber shrieked from sheer panic more than anything else and began scrabbling to get back inside, her arms flailing as she tried to push herself back into the room. Glimmer did her best to keep calm to try and reassure the kid, but the situation wasn’t particularly conducive to calmness.

Catra yelled upward, “We’re going to catch you, I promise! You need to be really brave, but me, Mummy Adora and Uncle Bow we _will_ catch you, I swear, baby.”

“I can’t!”

Having little time left to negotiate, Glimmer pushed the youngster forward and she fell screaming towards the ground. True to their word, the three adults safely caught her, and Adora grabbed her daughter into a tight hug of reassurance, leading the girl as far towards the relative safety of the street as she could.

“Now, you Glimmer!” Bow called up, “Adora, we need you for this too.”

She sat her Amber at the edge of the road, facing outward and whispered in her ear, “I’ll be right back. I need to save Glimmer, just sit down, put your fingers in your ears and don’t turn around, okay?”

Amber nodded and Adora ran back to join the other two underneath the window. She knew that the sights and sounds of such a huge fire would be traumatic to the girl and prayed that Amber did as she was told. Having to be pushed out of the upstairs window of a burning building was bad enough without seeing her home destroyed in front of her eyes, and anything Adora could do to limit any further horrible experiences would be worth it.

“You can do this, Glim,” Bow shouted, realising that his girlfriend would no doubt be terrified and in need of encouragement, “I’m going to count to three and then you jump, OK? One… two…”

He wasn’t able to make it to three. A loud explosion shook the world around them knocking them all to the floor; they looked up in horror as a ball of fire from the bedroom window billowed out into the air and dissipated uneventfully to the sky when it hit the cooler surroundings. The booming sound of the blast echoed around them and was quickly followed by the gentle sound of splintering glass and debris falling to the floor from the now-broken windows of the house.

“GLIMMER!”

Everything seemed to become unreal for them from that moment onward, as though playing out like a slow-motion movie in front of their eyes. They would only remember snapshots of the night, as the shock of what had happened began to set in: Adora and Catra running over to their daughter as two fire trucks pulled up outside. The first firefighters running past them, focused only on bringing the blaze under control. Other members of the crew going into the house. Staring at the front of Adora’s car during the hour it took them to fully put the fire out. The ambulance arriving and the crew attending to their more minor injuries.

And the image that would forever be etched into Bow’s brain: a firefighter emerging from the remains of the front door, sprinting past them with a lifeless body in his arms, blackened scraps of his girlfriend’s clothing flying off and landing softly on the ground beside him.

“Glimmer, no…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *waits for all of you to stop shouting at me*
> 
> ...
> 
> ...
> 
> ...whenever you're done...
> 
> ...
> 
> Okay good! Next time, we'll find out what has become of everyone, and Adora makes a soppy speech.


	5. Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three months after the fire, we get a glimpse into how everyone is getting on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So many mixed feelings as I post this...it's going to be emotional. Prepare for happy endings and soppy "the character is saying these things but actually it's the author saying it" speeches! Oh, and everyone having a massive hug.

**Three months later**

Mara stood next to her father, hurriedly peeling potatoes for the meal they were preparing. They had never really had much opportunity to cook together; Mara’s mother usually took charge of meal preparation and she was always loathe to have any assistance, preferring to do everything herself. Whilst finally having the chance to stand side-by-side in the kitchen was a pleasant experience for the two of them, it was also tinged with the sad memories of the person they had lost.

“Your mother always liked to do that. Said it was her favourite thing to do in the kitchen - apparently it’s strangely relaxing. So she said, anyway…” the grief in his faltering voice was clear, “I miss her so much, Mara.”

She put the peeler down on the chopping board and hugged her father, “I know, Dad. I do too.”

“At least one of you does. Adora didn’t even come to the funeral.”

“Can you blame her? Mum was never very nice to her. Nor you, for that matter.”

Robert pulled away from her, sighing loudly, “Please don’t do this, Mara. I don’t want you to feel like you have to start taking sides in this whole thing with Adora.”

“Well I _want_ to take a side now,” Mara didn’t like to scold her grieving father, but it was long past time to stand up for Adora. She regretted the years that she had tried to remain neutral and told herself it was best, but she had come to realise that not supporting her little sister had caused more harm than good, “You’ve got a choice, Dad. Reach out to Adora – accept her for who she is, get to know Catra and your granddaughter. Or don’t, and you’ll spend the rest of your life missing out on a truly incredible little family. I doubt she’ll attend your funeral either if you do nothing to make amends.”

“Mara…”

She tried to balance her harsh words with a loving stroke of his upper arm, “Adora is an amazing young woman, truly she is. Catra loves her to death and Amber is an incredible kid, so bright and happy – I think she would love to have her granddad around. You may have lost Mum, but you’ve got a whole other family that’s yours to have if you open yourself up to it.”

It was difficult to hear, but he could tell Mara had his best interests at heart. His late wife had been much harder on Adora sometimes than he felt she deserved, but he could understand why. Adora was a troubled kid with that depression she had; he could never really fathom why she would do such awful things to her own body. The kind of tough love that Teresa had shown her was necessary to keep her from herself, but looking back, he wished he had been closer to her, more on her side. He knew that he and his wife had driven a wedge between themselves and Adora over the years, and not always intentionally. Throwing her out after she told them about her sexuality was a real low point for their family, and he regretted it sorely, wishing he had handled it differently. Maybe it really was down to him to build the bridge.

“I don’t know if she’d want me back in her life,” he frowned, “I’ve not been the best father, and I still don’t understand the whole gay thing.”

“What’s to understand? She’s not some kind of weird homosexual alien – she’s your daughter. Your daughter who just happens to love, and be in a very solid, committed relationship with, a woman. She’s still the same Adora you have always known.”

“Is she really going to want me, though? She hates me.”

Mara gave him a supportive smile, “I know my sister. I know she’ll have room for you, as long as you love her on _her_ terms, not your own. You’re the parent, you’re the one who should make the effort.”

“Okay,” he whispered, “I’ll sit down later and write her a letter. That way she can decide whether or not to respond.”

Mara resumed peeling, “I’m sure she will.”

* * *

“You’ve been doing really well these past couple of months, Lauren,” her psychiatrist smiled, “Is it all down to Catra?”

She nodded rapidly, “Well, and Adora and Amber. Can you believe I’ve got a granddaughter? I’m 45, that’s not old enough!”

“I’m just glad you’ve managed to control yourself enough to develop the relationship. Well after the whole ‘unexpectedly turning up on the doorstep’ part.”

“They know I’m sorry about that,” Lauren knew she should feel guilty about the slightly underhand way she had reconnected with her daughter, but the elation of finding her after so long diminished any remorse she may have had, “But I’m really happy with what we’re doing now. I’m seeing them once a week, on a Saturday afternoon so Amber can come along. She loves me, you know, she thinks I’m amazing. Did I tell you she calls me ‘Nanny Lauren’?”

He chuckled at hearing the boast again, “Several times.”

“Well she does! And I think it’s horrible what they’ve been through with that fire, so I’m just glad I can provide a bit of happiness to counteract the… the loss. One time we went to the cinema together, it was so much fun… I never go to the cinema.”

“I think it’s great that you’re both helping each other out.”

Lauren clapped her hands together, a big grin spreading across her face, “Every moment I’m with my family is incredible. I feel so lucky, I thought I’d never… well, you know how much I’ve suffered with the guilt of giving Catra up.”

“I’ve had to send you to hospital several times because of it, so yes,” the therapist rolled his eyes, “But hopefully you’ll be able to properly address that with her?”

“I mean, I hope so. I just really don’t want to mess this up – actually finding out I’ve got a proper family is… it’s everything to me. I never really had one before, so I haven’t a clue what to do. What do families do? How do I do it well?”

He chucked to himself, “Look, Lauren. There’s no magical formula that makes a family work, it’s all about what you do and how you act towards them. It takes some effort, of course, but just treat them as you want them to treat you. We know they want you as part of their life, so take it easy and don’t get carried away – they’ll love having you around.”

“Yeah...” she sounded unsure, but searched for some confidence, “Yeah. I _will_ be an important part of their life.”

* * *

“Wow, what a day,” Perfuma locked the doors to the visitor centre on Plumeria Island, “You’d have thought that the middle of January would be a quiet time for a nature reserve, but nope!”

Frosta chuckled, “This place is nice and peaceful all year round though. Can you blame them?”

“Not really,” she trailed the younger woman up the jetty, preparing to board the final boat back to the mainland, “So what you up to tonight?”

“Eh, nothing. Dinner and bed, I imagine.”

“A quiet one,” Perfuma smiled, climbing onto the boat, “I guess you’re working again tomorrow?”

“Yeah, no rest for the wicked.”

There was a not-entirely comfortable silence between them for the first few minutes of the journey. Part of that was down to the heat of the boat’s interior, and the two of them very much appreciating the chance to warm up, but Perfuma knew that her friend would not be returning to the greatest of places. They often had the opportunity to chat during breaks and downtime on the island, and Frosta had revealed that her home life was less than ideal, with parents who were barely there and an older brother who did little but sit at home taking drugs. She had pretty much had to bring herself up over the last few years, which was a saddening state of affairs for someone so young. As a result, Perfuma’s caring side had kicked in on numerous occasions, taking the teenager under her wing at her own home where she could spend the evening without having to worry about her friend.

“Hey, do you…”

“Huh?”

Perfuma shuffled onto the seat next to Frosta, “I was just wondering if you fancied dinner at my mum’s tonight. It would be really nice to have you round, and my mum will be happy to see you -she thinks you’re amazing… I mean, she’s probably going to adopt you at this rate.”

The younger girl laughed, and Perfuma was almost certain she could see a tear in her eye, “I’d really like that. I mean, as long as she doesn’t mind.”

“Oh, she won’t mind! You’re practically family now. I’ll ask her to do a bit extra for you.”

* * *

The train’s motor whirred as it rounded a corner at high speed, shaking from side to side. It was almost at the end of its journey, a fairly short trip between two stations, but fate had intervened and an obstruction on the line was soon to put a prompt stop to its voyage. An animal, laid across the running rails, blocked the way forward, and the train thundered towards it. No attempt was made to slow the loco and it ploughed straight into the animal in a horrific crash. Carriages left the rails, separating from each other, while the wheels continued to turn on the upside-down locomotive. There was a solitary shout from nearby as someone surveyed the scene.

“Emily! Get down from there!”

Scorpia rushed across the room, trying to shoo the dog from on top of Entrapta’s model railway, “I told you, you can only come in here if you stay on the floor.”

The dog whimpered, her pleas enough to convince Scorpia to pick her up for a cuddle. It had been a month since she had taken the leap to move in with Entrapta, and she often wondered whether her girlfriend or the dog loved having her around more. Emily was always the more affectionate one compared to her owner, but Entrapta was by far more important to her. They had been together for over a year now and their relationship was fulfilling and supportive, something she had yearned for her entire life.

“I heard shouting,” Entrapta’s voice grew closer, “Shouting means not good things… probably broken things. What’s broken?”

She scurried into the shed where the noise had come from, her eyes darting between the chaos of the derailed train and the cuteness of her girlfriend and dog having a moment together. Where normally someone disrupting her railway layout would send her into a fit of anger, seeing those she loved most made a beaming smile spread uncontrollably across her face.

“Nothing’s broken,” Scorpia’s face reddened, “Sorry! Emily was up on the table and I didn’t see in time and then the train crashed into her and it went... I’m sorry!”

“Bup-bup-bup,” Entrapta placed a finger across her girlfriend’s mouth, “I don’t mind – it’s you and Emily, you’re the most important people to me so I can let you off sometimes! Anyway, I built a new robot I wanted to show you.”

“You built a new… I didn’t know you were working on another one.”

“Oh yeah!” she pressed a couple of buttons on a small fob pulled from her pocket, “This is a special one, a _really_ special one. I converted it from a remote-control car for an important purpose.”

“Important purpose? What did you do?”

Entrapta stayed silent as the vehicle trundled across the garden towards them. It paused outside, a small camera fixed to the top of it scanning the surroundings before stopping once it had identified Scorpia as its target. More whirring came from inside, followed by a flap opening on the front of the car, revealing a small silver ring.

Scorpia’s eyes and mouth competed to see how wide they could get, “Is this…?”

“It is! Isn’t it great? I programmed it to only open when the camera identified you – you have no idea how many pictures of you I had to feed into the on-board computer before it actually recognised you. It was seventy-seven and a half… don’t ask about the half, I don’t know myself. But it was fun! I thought to my-”

“Yes!”

Entrapta narrowed her eyes, “Yes? Yes to wh… ohhhh, the proposal part. Well, I calculated that we had been together for long enough that it wasn’t too soon, and it would be rather undesirable if we weren’t together forever. So it was a logical conclusion to get married, right?”

“I cannot fault your logic,” Scorpia giggled, “But yes, yes, yes! Oh gosh, I love you so much!”

She ran over to hug the woman who, she supposed, was now her fiancée. Entrapta seemed a little stunned by it all, but though she found it sometimes awkward showing it, her love for Scorpia was like nothing she had ever known. The growing understanding that they would have each other for the rest of their lives was a little daunting to her, but she could feel deep inside that the decision was undoubtedly the correct one.

* * *

“Who’s excited?!” Adora grinned, carrying a bowl of popcorn into the living room at Bright Moon Manor, “It’s family film night!”

Amber hopped to her feet, “Meeeee!”

“Hey, Bow,” Catra jolted him by shaking his shoulder, “Do you mind if we bring the sofas together to make one big one?”

“Uh, sure. It’s your home too, now. If anything, I owe you big time for everything you’ve done for Micah and I since… you know, the fire and everything.”

“Are you OK?” Adora had noticed his distant demeanour and knelt next to him, the bowl being snatched from her hands by her daughter before she could put it down, “I know everything with Glimmer has been… yeah…”

He glanced down at his phone, his face expressing no emotion, “Yeah, I’m… I’ll be fine. Just gotta go do something; I’ll be back in a minute.”

The blonde smiled at him warmly, albeit with slight confusion at his vagueness, as he stood up and left the room. Shrugging it off, she nudged her daughter off her seat and dragged the two couches together, Catra helping her from the other end. Once they were done, Amber jumped up and sprawled across the large cushioned space that had been created.

“Hey, leave some room for us and Uncle Bow!” Adora chuckled, “Not really a family film night if the whole family can’t watch. Ooh, I know, to make it even more cosy, Mummy Catra can go get some blankets while I try and figure out how the DVD player works.”

Catra gave her a pained look, “Are you _sure_ you want to tangle with technology? I mean, I love you, babe, but you’re not… How many phones have you been through in the last couple of years?”

“That doesn’t m-”

“Five!” interrupted their daughter, “Also she dropped it down the stairs this morning.”

“Et tu, Amber?” Adora’s mouth gaped open, swiftly moving on when it became evident that the girl was far too young to understand the reference, “Anyway, I have to learn these things at some point.”

Lifting the movie’s case aloft, as though it were some sacred relic, she scrambled towards the television, kneeling down in front and pressing various buttons on the player underneath. It was followed by copious amounts of grumbling and dramatic taps at the controls, something that greatly amused her girlfriend and daughter.

“Are you absolutely certain you don’t want me to do it?” Catra offered. Things were beginning to cross over from being hilarious to watch into being painful to watch.

“I can do it! The DVD is just a bit...” she glanced round towards the other woman, but her attention was captured by the two people standing in the doorway, “…Glimmer.”

“The DVD is a bit Glimmer? What do you… Glimmer!” she followed Adora’s eyeline towards the door, having a similar reaction to the young woman stood there next to Bow.

“Auntie Glimmeeeerrrrr!”

She waved shyly, “Hi everyone. Sorry I look awful.”

“Nonsense,” Bow took hold of her hand, looking deep into her eyes as she did the same. The night of the fire had changed her life forever, and even after three months of hospital treatment and numerous skin grafts, the scars that had been left across her body were still prominent. She’d been told that some may take a year to heal, and that terrified her more than anything, the thought that she would be the weird-looking outsider in every situation for months to come.

The firefighters said she was the luckiest person they’d ever seen, though glancing across to the mirror on the wall next to her at the blistered skin on her cheek, she wasn’t inclined to agree. Moments after she had saved Amber by dropping her out of the window, the house’s boiler, which was in the cupboard next to the bedroom, had exploded. The sheer force of the blast had knocked Glimmer to the floor unconscious, in the corner of the room furthest from the flames, and despite the horrific burns she had suffered, she just barely made it out with her life.

After she was rushed to hospital by helicopter, it was 18 agonising hours before Bow, Adora and Catra were told that she was stable. The three of them, along with Amber, had sat in the emergency room with barely a word passing between them as the day came and went, only the occasional update from the doctors prefaced with the dreaded “we don’t know much yet”. It wasn’t until the following evening that they received the encouraging news that Glimmer was starting to come round, and Bow was allowed to enter the intensive care unit to be with her.

The sight of Glimmer lying there, tubes and wires all around her to help her breathe and keep hydrated, was a real shock to him. Though much of the feeling was from lack of sleep, everything still felt unreal to Bow, and he was convinced that he’d wake up with Glimmer smiling beside him, wishing him a good morning. When he did finally fall asleep, the awakening brought with it the same scene that he had left behind the night before – his girlfriend laid in a hospital bed, her condition still critical. It was a sight that left him unable to do anything but grasp her limp hand for comfort and cry into the edge of the mattress.

With severe burns to most of her skin, as well as her airway, Glimmer spent an entire month in intensive care, drifting in and out of a pain-filled consciousness, whilst Bow barely left her side. Catra and Adora visited as much as they could, sitting with him to try and keep his spirits up and his hope alive. Everything that had happened after the wedding seemed completely irrelevant and pointless at this stage – their petty arguments paled in comparison to their best friend’s life hanging in the balance, and they put aside their differences to provide support during the tough time. The hatred and the vitriol melted away, replaced by love and forgiveness forged by the fear of losing Glimmer – Adora came to realise that Catra was right: she really couldn’t be happy without her best friend.

In return, Bow had welcomed them into Bright Moon Manor, giving them somewhere to stay after the total destruction of their home. It had been a temporary solution at first, but he’d found having the family staying there to be incredibly helpful – not just in terms of assisting with looking after Micah. Having people he could talk to, people who could provide the moral support he desperately needed at such a difficult time, was invaluable and kept him from completely breaking down. A few weeks on it was agreed that the house would become their new, permanent, home.

Glimmer’s condition continued to improve through time, assisted by countless surgeries and procedures to try and reduce the lasting effects of the burns. Despite the incredible work the medical team looking after her had carried out, she remained very self-conscious of her injuries, which littered much of her body. Though she knew it would one day heal and leave no trace of her ordeal, the scarred, uneven skin on her face gave her most anguish, and it had been no small effort to gather up to the confidence just to walk in and surprise her friends, a whole week before they were expecting her to be home. Bow knew this and had given her encouragement every step of the way.

“Glimmer, you look fine; you are the most beautiful person in the world. You’re my princess, and every inch of you is perfect, scars or otherwise. And it’s only Adora, Catra and Amber – they love you no matter what you look like.”

Adora stood up, hurrying over and wrapping her arms around Glimmer, “He’s right. Oh, Glim, I’m so happy you’re home.”

Amber and Catra needed no further prompting, coming to join in with the hug – Amber vaulting over the side of the sofa in excitement to get there first. His girlfriend now enveloped on both sides by her friends, Bow completed the embrace. The five of them stood for well over two minutes, overwhelmed by the feeling that all the sadness and chaos of the last year was finally behind them, holding onto their loved ones like they never wanted to let go. Despite everything, they had each other.

“Can I sit down?” Glimmer wheezed, the cuddling starting to move from comforting to painful after the first minute. Though she was reluctant to do so, Adora nodded and pulled away, the others breaking apart from her at the same time. Amber hopped back up onto the sofas and rearranged some cushions, proudly proclaiming that she had created a space especially for her Auntie Glimmer – a space in which she could cuddle up to her and her alone.

“Thank you, Amber,” Glimmer giggled, lying in the gap that had been allocated for, “So, family film night, eh? Do we do this often?”

“Once a week,” Catra explained. They had first started this a few days after the fire when their daughter had been distraught with worry about Glimmer, as well as the complete destruction of her house and belongings. It was a way to cheer Amber up, and it had worked so well that they’d chosen to do the same every Friday evening, so that the youngster had something to look forward to at the end of the week.

“Count me in for every single one!”

With most of them now making themselves comfortable on the sofa, Adora remained stood up, “Look, before we start the film, I just want to say something.”

“Oh god, she’s going to get all soppy,” Catra joked, sticking her tongue out at her girlfriend, who did the same right back to her.

“Yeah, I am, deal with it. I just want to welcome Glimmer to her first Family Film Night, and it’s got me thinking. When you say family, most people automatically jump to thinking about people you are related to by blood, or by marriage. And that’s true, but I know more than most that those people sometimes act the least like a family should. My true family is mostly made up of the people I’ve chosen to be close to, the people I love and who love me. It’s made up of all of you – my wonderful daughter Amber, a truly amazing young woman who I know will go on to change the world; my girlfriend Catra, who has stuck by me for the better part of a decade and loves me so very much; Bow, the nicest, most sensible man in my life, and the person who I can always go to for advice; and Glimmer, my best friend who would risk everything to make me happy, and who is the kindest, most generous woman I know.

“Because being part of a family is about what you do, not who you are. A family supports you when you make good decisions and stands with you to help fix your bad ones. When things are tough, when you’re at your lowest and you feel like there’s no hope, nothing left for you, your family are by your side – physically or metaphorically – fighting for you when you can’t fight for yourself. Family shares the joy of the best times and bands together to tough out the worst. And yeah, sometimes you fall out and it’s painful, but it only hurts because of the love that links you – you miss that love, but a true family will always find its way back together.

“So whoever it’s made up of, whether it’s the one you were born into, the one you found, or the one you created for yourself, everyone has a family that would go to the end of the Earth to see you happy – you know I would do that for each of you in a heartbeat, because I love you all. When we’re together, I feel safe and loved, and that’s all I’ve ever wanted from a family. So from me to every single one of you, please know that as long as we have each other, as long as you are my family, I know that it’s gonna be okay. We can get through anything.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. 6 months, 18 separate parts and 135000 words later, we are finished. This series has been so special to me, not just in helping me develop my writing skills, but also in allowing me to tackle some more difficult topics that I honestly never expected. I started this with the intent of a few light-hearted stories about Catra doing cat-like stuff (hence the sleeping in a sunbeam in the very first story), and it has grown from there into what you see now. I couldn't have imagined I would feel quite this emotional about ending it, but here we are! 
> 
> There are some real highlights here too. Writing about Adora's depression stands out as my favourite story, purely on the basis that it parallels my own and it was incredibly cathartic and therapeutic to be able to do (she's going to be okay, by the way). Even going back to the Catra & Lonnie story, I'm proud of how I handled that, and even though I hate reading back my old stuff, it still seems like pretty decent stuff to me.
> 
> Finally, thank you! To everyone who has read, left kudos, commented or helped me -though I write for myself first and foremost, I would never have had the motivation to write as much or as well without you. You can't imagine how important you are to me! Thank you so much.
> 
> Additional note (Jan 2021): So I've seen a lot of people's reactions to how the story ended, and I'm inclined to agree with you that it was hard on Glimmer (I've always said I'm bad at endings!). As a result, I've changed some of this so that her injuries are not permanent. And it's always possible I might see how they're doing in the future all together...
> 
> Stay awesome, every single one of you!
> 
> Alice x
> 
> Twitter: @alice_hancock1  
> Tumblr: lisshstuff


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